Today Kate and William tied the knot! History was made for the royal family. Many Dr. Oz shows tackle the topic of how good marriages can improve health and how bad marriages can destroy your health. Below I have copied and pasted an article from the Dr. Oz archives. I have also shared my own two cents worth. My first marriage lasted ten years. After a a six year hiatus as a single parent, I am now in my third year of my second marriage. I have some life experience to pass along to the newlyweds too!
I have made mistakes and had successes along the way. Being imperfect, I have learned the hard way as to what works and doesn't when it comes to communication in relationships. It's a life-long learning skill too. We either grow as people in a way that brings people closer or creates distance.
In January 2010, this is what Dr. Oz had to share about the link between the marriage and health:
Most of us have heard that married people are healthier than their single counterparts. But new research shows that the state of your union matters more than just being married.
One recent study found that couples living in a miserable marriage are 25 times more likely to suffer a major depression than those in a happy marriage. And if you have suffered a heart attack, a bad marriage could increase your risk for a second attack. It can also cripple your recovery from cancer and weaken your immune system. Even a single bad argument can raise your blood pressure sharply, putting your health on the line.
Facing tough times is part and parcel of matrimony. In fact, the first 5 years of marriage have been shown to be the most stressful, as couples navigate the transition from dating, take on new financial responsibilities, consider becoming (or become) parents, and build a life together. But how you choose to respond to the slings and arrows could save your life. Here are 4 tips designed to alleviate stress, increase communication and help make your relationship and you healthier.
Identify Your Stressors
Sit down with your partner and write down everything that causes stress in your relationship. Divide triggers into 2 categories: in your control and out of your control. Then pick 3 items from the “in your control” list, brainstorm ways you can work together to solve them, and write your strategies down.
Fight Fair
Conflict is a natural, inevitable part of any relationship and running from it will only seed trouble, not solve it. But it’s how you fight that counts.
The healthiest way to disagree is to view an argument as an opportunity to work things out and develop effective communication skills. Explain how you feel, ask for what you need, encourage your spouse to do the same and listen well when they do. Follow the 5 to 1 rule: for every single negative thing you say to one another, you wipe out 5 positive things you have said.
Make Peace Over Money
Experts (and amateurs) agree that having a different approach to spending money is one of the greatest relationship stressors and the cause of many fights and divorces. Explain to your other half how your parents dealt with money and how that informs your choices and have them do the same. Then each of you should clearly explain what you need or want and where your priorities lie. Come to an agreement about how you will spend, and how you will talk about spending, that you both can live with.
Prioritize Health
Controlling the stress in your life is a great first step to improving your health. Bolster that commitment with other healthy choices. Make more meals at home, never skip breakfast, pack healthy lunches, and limit how much you eat out (which will cut down on money stress and overeating). (The Dr. Oz show - Jan. 7, 2010).
My advice to the couple is as follows: Follow the Golden Rule.
Do unto others as you would like them to do unto you. Always take the high road during a conflict so you never have any regrets of what you have said, done, unsaid or not done.
Follow Judy Welch's 10 10 10 approach to issues. Ask yourself will this matter (or how signficant will this be) ten minutes from now, ten days from now, ten weeks from now, ten months from now and ten years from now?
Ask yourself, is this a hill to die on? (Courtesy of my former next door neighbour, a new age massage therapist who always shared this mantra).
Make peace first rather than last.
Marry someone who you feel at home with and who is like your long lost friend.
Shared values and philosophies of life are more important than shared interests.
In the end you need to have similiar views on family, finances and life creeds as those are the things that get you through the peaks and valleys of marriage.
A tennis partner for doubles, a shared interest in cultural affairs or a passion for imported cheeses at farmer markets is not as important as finding someone who shows and lives mutual respect for others.
Trust your gut instinct and speak up if something signficant is bothering you rather than let resentments build.
Ask yourself everday, have I done one thing to help my spouse today?
Don't be a prince or primadonna with one another. Give more than you get and your life will reap far more health benefits than if you keep a tally chart.
Trust is the bricks and mortar that creates the foundation of marriage.
Don't let your past love life failures or history dictate your present and future. Every day is a new beginning to do and say things to one another that are helpful rather than harmful.
Lastly, tell your spouse everyday how much he or she means to you. Treasure one another everyday so that your love will grow each and everyday.
Long Live Love (and Long Live the Queen),
Maija
One recent study found that couples living in a miserable marriage are 25 times more likely to suffer a major depression than those in a happy marriage. And if you have suffered a heart attack, a bad marriage could increase your risk for a second attack. It can also cripple your recovery from cancer and weaken your immune system. Even a single bad argument can raise your blood pressure sharply, putting your health on the line.
Facing tough times is part and parcel of matrimony. In fact, the first 5 years of marriage have been shown to be the most stressful, as couples navigate the transition from dating, take on new financial responsibilities, consider becoming (or become) parents, and build a life together. But how you choose to respond to the slings and arrows could save your life. Here are 4 tips designed to alleviate stress, increase communication and help make your relationship and you healthier.
Identify Your Stressors
Sit down with your partner and write down everything that causes stress in your relationship. Divide triggers into 2 categories: in your control and out of your control. Then pick 3 items from the “in your control” list, brainstorm ways you can work together to solve them, and write your strategies down.
Fight Fair
Conflict is a natural, inevitable part of any relationship and running from it will only seed trouble, not solve it. But it’s how you fight that counts.
The healthiest way to disagree is to view an argument as an opportunity to work things out and develop effective communication skills. Explain how you feel, ask for what you need, encourage your spouse to do the same and listen well when they do. Follow the 5 to 1 rule: for every single negative thing you say to one another, you wipe out 5 positive things you have said.
Make Peace Over Money
Experts (and amateurs) agree that having a different approach to spending money is one of the greatest relationship stressors and the cause of many fights and divorces. Explain to your other half how your parents dealt with money and how that informs your choices and have them do the same. Then each of you should clearly explain what you need or want and where your priorities lie. Come to an agreement about how you will spend, and how you will talk about spending, that you both can live with.
Prioritize Health
Controlling the stress in your life is a great first step to improving your health. Bolster that commitment with other healthy choices. Make more meals at home, never skip breakfast, pack healthy lunches, and limit how much you eat out (which will cut down on money stress and overeating). (The Dr. Oz show - Jan. 7, 2010).
My advice to the couple is as follows: Follow the Golden Rule.
Do unto others as you would like them to do unto you. Always take the high road during a conflict so you never have any regrets of what you have said, done, unsaid or not done.
Follow Judy Welch's 10 10 10 approach to issues. Ask yourself will this matter (or how signficant will this be) ten minutes from now, ten days from now, ten weeks from now, ten months from now and ten years from now?
Ask yourself, is this a hill to die on? (Courtesy of my former next door neighbour, a new age massage therapist who always shared this mantra).
Make peace first rather than last.
Marry someone who you feel at home with and who is like your long lost friend.
Shared values and philosophies of life are more important than shared interests.
In the end you need to have similiar views on family, finances and life creeds as those are the things that get you through the peaks and valleys of marriage.
A tennis partner for doubles, a shared interest in cultural affairs or a passion for imported cheeses at farmer markets is not as important as finding someone who shows and lives mutual respect for others.
Trust your gut instinct and speak up if something signficant is bothering you rather than let resentments build.
Ask yourself everday, have I done one thing to help my spouse today?
Don't be a prince or primadonna with one another. Give more than you get and your life will reap far more health benefits than if you keep a tally chart.
Trust is the bricks and mortar that creates the foundation of marriage.
Don't let your past love life failures or history dictate your present and future. Every day is a new beginning to do and say things to one another that are helpful rather than harmful.
Lastly, tell your spouse everyday how much he or she means to you. Treasure one another everyday so that your love will grow each and everyday.
Long Live Love (and Long Live the Queen),
Maija
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